Daughter Adjusts to Role as Caregiver

Tara Ryan-Legowski's life changed in an instant. 

At 77, Ryan-Legowski’s father Jack was a healthy, active man, who lived alone in a Clearwater retirement condominium community. He was social, independent and able to drive.  

In February 2010, he had a serious stroke that left him physically and emotionally disabled. The left side of his body was paralyzed and he was unable to sit up, talk, eat solid foods or walk.

As people are statistically living longer, we increasingly find ourselves in the role of caregiver for aging parents or loved ones. Many families struggle with recognizing when it’s time to step in to care for an aging parent, as it is an especially tough financial and emotional decision.

For Ryan-Legowski of Bradenton, this decision had to be made suddenly.

“It’s tough. I’m part of that sandwich generation that is between taking care of kids and taking care of a parent,” she said. “My kids miss their old Poppy. We are all adjusting to his new personality and life compared to how it was before his stroke. It’s been tough on all of us, and he requires a lot of attention, which takes away some of our family time.”

Ryan-Legowski had her father transferred to a rehabilitation hospital near her. After a month, her father moved to a skilled nursing facility in Clearwater, where he received 24-hour care for another month. He was finally able to walk slowly with the help of a cane, just two weeks shy of being released. A family member stayed with him for 10 days, and then a close friend took a turn for two months while Ryan-Legowski, a teacher, finished up the school year.

Ryan-Legowski assumed sole responsibility as caretaker, but had no idea where to start or what needed to be done. As a single mother working two jobs, she felt immediately overwhelmed. Her routine instantly became a financial, logistical and time-management puzzle of travel, groceries and equipping her home for special needs (shower stool, bed and bathroom rails, dispense pumps for his toiletries, clothing, medication organizers and a cane).

“We plan trips with him in mind, and the kids help him get around at restaurants and my son will help him get to the restroom,” she said. “They have been a big help.”

Obviously, transportation remains her biggest obstacle. Initially, she had to take several days off work to drive her father to and from his follow-up appointments. Every Friday after work, she picks him up in Clearwater so he can stay with her until Sunday evening — a four-hour, round-trip drive. She washes and folds his laundry, prepares meals for him to take home for the next week and organizes his medications, in addition to taking care of her own family.

She has since set him up with DART (Demand Response Transportation), a Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority service for people with disabilities. This has helped him regain some independence and helped free up Ryan-Legowski's weekdays for working.

When she brings her father back to his condo, she spends several hours there cleaning and getting him set up for the week. Occasionally, another family member will help out and take her father for a weekend, giving her a brief reprieve.

“It’s like having shared custody,” she said. “I'm trying to find the right balance.” 

To find out if you or your loved one is eligible for DART or to learn more about the service, click here.

For an application form, click here.

For more transportation options and resources, click here.

The City of Gulfport offers the G.E.M.S. (Gulfport Extended Mini Bus Service) for Gulfport Residents 55 and older. For more information call 727-893-2242 or check out their website. Hear from riders in our feature story on Gulfport Patch.